To be or not to be

Okay then. I do not know what to write now. I am sitting here thinking. 

A few thoughts manifest themselves as images and pass in front of my eyes. I pick up one of them.

 

I read in a newspaper recently that pening/typing down a page daily, say in the morning, about what is going on in your mind at that moment de-stresses you. This is the thought I picked up.

But then, I had two questions to ask:

 

1. Who would read what I write. What is the use of such a thing to the world. The world already has six billion people. Why on Earth would it be bothered about reading my thoughts?

2. Won't it shatter the image I have so carefully built up over the years to pose like an angel in front of the world. Why should I reveal my real self. Who would like it. It would harm me, rather.

I got interested at the second question. Would I really want to tell the world about myself. Or do I want to constantly keep showing a false face?

Okay, time for an example. Too much in air can be confusing. 

Suppose I like a girl. 

Now, a thing or two about 'liking'. I never say I like a boy, do I? But I like a girl. Why is this so? What is the subtle but inherent difference between liking a girl and 'liking a boy'?

May be liking a girl could sometimes(many times??) lead to 'loving the girl' and in turn lead to a marrital strife. But all these rules rule the lesser mortals. For the greater ones, liking can just be liking. 

So, suppose I like a girl, do I really want to tell her that. 

Experience says, I do not do it that way. I change myself, I create a 'false me'. And then the drama goes on.

Then what is the true me? 

If I am myself, why would I be afraid of saying what is natural. Liking, for God's sake, is natural. Liking is an expression of empathy. Empathy, I feel, is one of the greatest gifts a human can share with his fellow being. Mankind without empathy for his fellow beings isn't really kind.

I spite of all this, I am afraid of saying what I feel. That's because I am accustomed to being a liar. I am not exactly afraid of saying the truth. I am driven by my habit of restraining myself from entering unknown arenas of human experience. So I lie. I create a 'false me'.

Vedas say: We should constantly and conscioulsy be practising to be true so that it becomes a habit and after a while we even unconsciously start being true. 

That can be one thing which I want to be.

What is the link between What I am and What I want to be?

PS: Did you read till here?! 

       Thank you :)