Pursuit of Happiness.

I feel it especially when I am alone. When no one's around.

What is all this.

And then I look at the tree whose leaves are swaying in the evening breeze. I shift the focus of my eye to a bird on it. And then to the clouds above. What is all this, the question inside me is heard louder. I feel the pangs in my tummy. A couple of sweat drops appear on my brows.

What the hell is life.

I walk around for a couple of minutes. I hear the sounds around; the chirping of the birds, the gush of the wind. I hear my feat stamping on the ground. I look down at my feet.

What is the aim of life.

Happiness, another voice quickly answers.

I feel better at the answer. At least there is an answer. Only achieving it is remaining. When will I achieve it. Should I wait for happiness. Or should I be always happy. Am I ready to die right at this instant.

No.

That is because I want to do something more. Not something, many things more. Will there be any end to what I want to do. In any case, what will I get out of what I do. Is it not an eternal pursuit of happiness. In that case, I should have been pursuing to be happy even now, right now. If I were to be happy now, why would I bother about being happy later. That is because I know that I am happy now temporarily. I will not be happy later. So I do things which make me happy.

But let me tell you what happens in the process. In the pursuit of happiness, I fear not being happy. I doubt the results of what I do. Or rather, I doubt if my pursuit will lead me to happiness. So I am unhappy. I fear. I bother. I worry. So, in order to be happy later, I tend to become unhappy now.

I climbed up the terrace and strolled across. I sat down on a mat which I had carried and closed my eyes. I held my back straight. I stretched my hands and kept them over my knees.
Many things came in front of my eyes. I remembered the pretty girl whom I had talked to. Kazakhstan President would come tomorrow as the Chief guest of the Republic day ceremony. The man who had scorned at me in the magazine shop. I had fallen from the bike at a big junction of roads. I had almost hit the ...


It was a while before the intensity of thoughts had reduced. My breath had become deeper. I concentrated on my breath more. I was feeling alive. I was really living. I was with myself. I wasn't lost in the world. I was feeling lighter at heart. And happier.